Crap. (otherwise known as poo, shyte, refuse, etc.)

I screwed up. I'm writing this down to get it off my chest, because I'm not sleeping well at night now.

You know that feeling? when you've done bad, and pushed it away, and it won't leave you alone, and it sneaks up on you when you're not ready for it....that feeling when your heart pounds uncomfortably fast, regardless of the amount of coffee you've injested recently?

This is one thing I hate about doing commercial art. Sometimes I get hung up over something and I put it off and put it off...and then it turns around and bites me very hard in the butt. I've got 4 and a half projects due for the studio. I'm at least 2 weeks, maybe three behind (another of my problems is loosing track of time...).

Friday the foreman called. Today the boss called. I haven't listened to either message. I have some idea of what they have to say, but I don't want to listen. I'm having a hard enough time sleeping as it is, and if I listen to the messages, then I have no choice but to call them back. What do I tell them? I'm tired of making excuses. I'm just behind. Uninspired. Unmotivated.

This little voice in the back of my head says "maybe if they paid me in advance..." But that's just another excuse. And if I were behind it would be even worse for me.

I hate this feeling. I hate it when I get myself into these situations. I feel responsible. I feel like I have totally failed everyone. I know that if I take a step back and look around, this is nothing. This is not the end of the world, and ultimately teaching is more important to me anyway. But I still feel like a failure. I have people relying on me to get something done, and if I can't get it done, than what am I to everyone else?

*Sigh*....I thought writing all this down would make me feel better, but it hasn't. So, I think I'll just go to bed, and try to sleep.

Ta.