The Last Battle

Last spring I wrote of the Great Spider War, in which many many scores of spiders perished in a jet of water and copious amounts of insecticide. I wrote of the capture of the Tree by the enemy, and how I vanquished them. I also wrote of the continuous guerrilla tactics used by the infamous Spiders in the following months, sneaking in the house, taking over the kitchen cabinets, appearing in my shower, and on my bed covers.

Well, today it is my great pleasure to inform you that the Great Spider War is nearly over. The troops are returning home so to speak. I say this because I achieved a great victory today.

During the cold months of winter, the spiders retreated into their strongholds, making the kitchen cabinets their main base of operations. Once they pulled back, they did not show their ugly heads till the spring arrived. Shortly after the warm weather set in, I found that the Staircase, the Tree, and now the Mailbox had been infiltrated and occupied.

I was at a loss as to what to do. I was so surrounded, and had relatively no way of forcing them back that I was forced to make do with their occupation and do my best to ignore them.

No longer. Today my Landlord returned and provided me with the long-hoped for aid in the fight. A hose. A very powerful hose at that. I imagine that the troops invading Europe against Hitler felt similarly when brand new Howitzers arrived to crush the Panzer divisions.

I commenced with Operation Purge. Within 20 minutes the whole of the Staircase and Tree had been sprayed clean of cobwebs and whatever else had been hiding in the muck. The Mailbox was similarly sprayed as best as possible, however, since it is crammed with Mail, I thought to wait till the morn' to deal with its occupants. I then applied a covering fire of insecticide over the crucial territories to prevent retaliation.

This Event, along with the Great Vacuuming by my good friend General Lasswell, has deprived the enemy of yet another stronghold. They have attempted another incursion into the kitchen, but I will be dealing with those one or two brash rebels very harshly indeed.

I have noted this Event as the Last Battle because in three weeks time I will not have to deal with this problem anymore. I shall be moving on to new Lands. Hopefully they will be free of such enemies.